Someone forwarded an email to me the other day that asserted that:

“Many people are finding that their hopes and dreams for the future are changing as their beliefs and values are shifting. This is because we are undergoing a massive transformation and paradigm shift.”

And ok, I’m inclined to be charitable toward statements of this kind if something meaty follows them up. But as is so often the case it was stuff like:

“Many humans are now undergoing dramatic changes and shifts in DNA - we are in a profound transformation process to become lighter in order to transcend the density of this world. We are literally learning to rise above our present Earth reality as the Earth is also undergoing a radical transformation.

“Right now, we are being encouraged, even forced, to face and address issues of the past that are wanting to come out of the darkness and into the light so they may be transformed. We must lighten our burden so we can fly by letting go of the things that anchor us to an outmoded reality.”

“We must now find the truth for ourselves, and choose the highest possible path that will lead us to joy and to fulfillment. These choices hold the highest vibrations, and will serve to raise us up to where we truly belong, so we may see ourselves in the divine light of love.”

“As we climb the stairway of life, we reach various plateaus and landings that allow us to catch our breath and assimilate what we have learned and experienced.”
“We are indeed in an ascension process, and people will choose to move onward and upward in various ways.”

And so on, and so forth. And so my big question for the New Age movement (and let’s face it, there’s plenty of time to consider it, given that astrologically speaking, we won’t enter the Age of Aquarius until around the year 2150) is this:

What’s so good about up?

Leaving aside issues about whether light is ‘better’ than dark, (I can give a little on primal fears and visual references) for God’s sake what’s so good about up?

Oh, yeah – God. ‘cause he’s in Heaven, right? And that’s up there somewhere. And Hell is down, isn’t it? Wow, that’s some paradigm shift ya got there. Or am I missing something?

I mean, it’s up, and lighter, and staircases (going up, but never down, natch), and rising, and ascending, and climbing – even this unchallenged notion that there is some ‘ascension’ process going on. And every time I’ve asked, politely enough what they actually mean, I’m given that look like I farted at the party. If I was ‘spiritual’ I’d understand. I’m bringing down their vibration.

Are higher vibrations better then? I have a cellist on line two for you… A higher vibration is more pure? Arse biscuits!

I’m a musician, and harmony fills the soul, but it needs all the vibrations, higher, lower, all of it; in fact you only come to realise how important every bit is – even the high frequency slap of a bass drum, or the low frequency resonances of the top hammer falls all around those great dark cavities of the piano – when you come to mix them all together.

I don’t get it; the constant exhortations to ‘raise your vibration’. Can I propose a movement to lower it? Get your shoes and socks off, come on. Descend your consciousness. Descend the staircase of life, joyfully, gracefully, wantonly on gravity’s Stannah triumphantly towards the earth and six feet beyond. Choose the lowest possible path, because that’s where the foliage is rich and fragrant and full of life, death, birth and decay. It’s where it all happens and the Earth expresses herself. This is where you’ll find transformation.

There’s no burden to lighten – fill your arms with apples! Descend, roll in the mud and the fresh hay, and the autumn leaves, rose petals and musk of badger shit, and lay there a while breathing it in, and watch the animals come closer. It’s all about connection.

“Let yourself unfurl your wings so you can fly freely, rising above mundane existence to behold a whole new perspective of the world around you.”

No, don’t! Check your shoulderblades – oops! Human! No wings! Get your feet down in the rich sweet earth, and do the washing up! Centuries of escapism and expectations of imminent Rapture have got us into this mess, now get your hands dirty and clean it up! You’re not ascending anywhere until it’s tidy!

It may just be lazy imagery, but it betrays its provenance. Surely if there is to be a new age, it must leave the nonsense of polar duality and material escapism behind. Be Here Now; Here is all there is. Now is all there is. This is who you are. If you’re so desperate to escape your physical, mundane, earthly connections come over here – I’ll give you a helping hand.

Tags: ascension, new age
Current Mood: irritated